Finding God

Routines will be the death of me. Each day blurs into the next, causing the week to zip by. It feels like only a couple of weeks ago that I began my senior year of college, but that was six months ago, and I’m preparing to graduate in a little over two months. Time is not my most abundant asset as a full-time business student with two jobs and three volunteer positions, also attending two small groups per week. But despite the breakneck pace of my week, I still find some comfort in filling nearly every spare moment of time with something ‘productive’. At least, that was until Friday night. On Friday night I began to realize that my body was not functioning like it should have been. I became extraordinarily weak and achy, and I hardly slept a wink. So began more than four and a half days of fighting influenza, and I’m still not finished. Not my favorite cup of tea. So far I’ve missed two days of school, my volunteer shift at The Carriage House, and nine hours of work. As ...

You might think that I have it all together. You may have seen me do a few nice things here and there, – volunteer at church, pay for an elderly woman’s bus pass, give lunch to a homeless man – but the fact that I may have done a few good deeds in my life is not going to save me. If you truly knew me, I don’t think you would consider me to be a ‘good’ person, certainly not anywhere on the spectrum close to “perfect”. I am a broken human being and the mess that I’ve created in my wake is something that I can never repair. I lie, I cheat, I steal. I remember being called a “goody two-shoes”, but I spent nearly an entire school-year’s worth of Sundays looking at pornography in my dorm room rather than going to church. I’ve jumped out of the back window of a house because I was afraid of being caught by the police at an underage drinking party. I’ve spent countless hours of my life lusting after other women and I’ve struggled with greed, envy, bitterness, anger, and self-worth. I hav...

As a follower of Christ, it is easy for me to fall into a routine – going to work, going to class, going to my other job, going to sleep, and initiating the same cycle every morning, five days a week. While I may include a few Biblical or “Christian” activities in my schedule – such as volunteering at a homeless shelter, leading a youth group, or reading my Bible – these actions are only as good as the amount of prayer and preparation that I’ve put into them. Put more simply – living as a true follower of Christ requires intentionality, and I am not intentional. When I work at the downtown homeless shelter, I may be serving the homeless and working poor in a physical way by giving them a hot meal, but I am not serving them spiritually. I can’t think of a time in which I’ve actually prayed before I’ve made my commute to the alley in the city. I haven’t prepared my heart to see the work that God has already started in so many of these peoples’ lives, and I haven’t allowed God to use...

**This blog is saturated with scripture. I chose not to quote directly because I want to encourage you to dig deep into the Word. Read this with a Bible next to you. Read the verses and challenge yourself to think differently. Be honest with yourself; live it out. Love God // Love People. *       *       *       *      *       *       *       *      * “Welcome to church, where we sing songs and don’t mean it, say that we serve and love others but never do it, read the Bible but don’t apply it, pray for the Holy Spirit but ignore it, and stay cooped up and happy in our little church building so we don’t have to share our faith or confront the reality of this world.” The pastor flashes a million-dollar smile in his thousand-dollar suit as members of the congregation beam back their own smile...

Over the past week I have been thinking obsessively over buying a pair of road bike shoes for my bike. I currently only have cheap plastic commuter pedals with toe straps, and it can be extremely inefficient to ride long distances in a pair of flimsy tennis shoes. I already have clipless pedals, but I need road bike shoes in order to use them. A pair of road shoes can cost anywhere from $80 to $350, but I was strongly considering simply charging them to my credit card, despite the fact that I don’t have cash to cover the cost. Every time I ride, I think about how much better it would be if I had a pair of brand new, Specialized carbon-fiber-soled road shoes; or if I had a carbon fork and seatpost from Easton or Bontrager, a pro-grade Echelon helmet, a hand-built Rōl wheelset, Swissstop engineered brake pads, a new Specialized Body Geometry saddle, or a custom bike-fitting from the local Trek store so I could ride more comfortably and with more efficiency – and I’ve only had my newest b...

You step into the sanctuary of a church. The five-piece band is playing; bar chords from the electric guitar pierce the air, vocalists sway to the music under the primary colors of the stage lighting, and quarter notes pulse in metronomic fashion from the bass drum and through the sub-woofers. Two coffee makers and a tray of doughnuts sit atop a table draped in a black tablecloth, offering boxes sit near the doors, and rows of comfortably plush seating line the sanctuary floor. Everything seems to be in perfect order. But one thing is missing. No one is worshiping. Sure, members of the congregation are singing. Some of them may even be tapping their feet, clapping, or raising their hands. What most of us would describe as modern-day worship is currently taking place, but has our understanding of what is means to truly worship become so narrowly defined as to only include the practice of singing along with a well-rehearsed band in the comfort of million-dollar church structur...

Lately I have come to understand the relationship between myself and my Father in more detail through the simple analogy of love. Though the love we understand may be complex in many ways, as some of you may have experienced in previous relationships, the Love of the Father is so beautifully simple and even more incredible. We, as humans, often consider the love we know on this earth to be wrought with nearly as much pain as joy. This is due to our imperfect and sinful disposition, which can never seem to be fully satisfied short of a supernatural interference. I think that this is one important detail that may explain why it is so difficult for us to understand the full beauty of the Love of Christ. Because we so often feel the need to prove ourselves to other humans, we feel the same urge to attempt to prove ourselves to the One who sculpted every edge of the universe and knit our flesh together. We believe that we can make ourselves look better or have a better chance at salvat...