Strong

In March, I began reading through the Bible chronologically, or in order of when events took place. Lately I have been working my way through 1 Samuel and the related Psalms. The Psalms have always been one of my favorite books, simply because they speak of real life issues: anger, betrayal, fear, faith, and continual trust in the Lord when every other aspect of one’s life is crumbling. The story of David, though it is a story I’m quite familiar with, has really caught my attention lately.

I’ve been in somewhat of a rough patch in life for the past few weeks. I’m being pursued by a collection agency for about $8,000 in medical bills; I’m worried about being able to pay my student loans of over $18,500; I’ve been dealing with some relationship issues; and I still haven’t been able to find a home church or get truly plugged into the community in which I live. I know most of these issues are somewhat trivial and not really things to be overly stressed about, but I’ve just been feeling a heavy burden on my soul and a lack of true peace. But as I look to the story of David, I begin to feel somewhat comforted.

David had to face life-threatening circumstances on a regular basis, despite the fact that He was closely following God’s direction. David grew up as a shepherd, facing the dangers of wild bears and lions that would attack his sheep as he worked in the fields. His first real display of faith is when he faces Goliath. Though all the other Israelites fear for their lives, David, leaving his work of tending sheep, faces Goliath with steadfast confidence.

And David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail because of him. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.” And Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth.” But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion, or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock, I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him. Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God.” And David said, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”

David, just like anyone else who has truly followed the Lord, has faced hardship in the past. But even though it can be extremely hard (or scary) at times, God continues to follow through, providing in every way needed. David faced wild lions and bears, and instead of avoiding them or running from them in fear, he faces them head on and slaughters them with his own hands, trusting that God will be his strength and security.

One thing that I have been learning about myself is that I tend to run away from hardship. I will avoid stressful, hard, or scary situations simply because I feel like I don’t have the strength or the courage to face them. This has obviously been problematic since I never truly address these issues, allowing them to grow into even bigger problems. One painful example of my neglect and cowardice is my failure to address and resolve the medical bills that I am currently facing. As I mentioned in my previous entry, I was hit by a Jeep last year, which resulted in a large amount of medical bills that I am now responsible for paying. My insurance has not helped much, and because of this, the bills have been shifted to a collection agency. I have only been making a few payments here and there, while not making much of an attempt to get things resolved with my insurance company, causing the collection agency to begin demanding more and more money from me – money that I obviously don’t have. Just writing about this ordeal stresses me out. I have been riding my bike more than ever because of this. Cycling is my escape, and I can abuse it at times. I hate having to face up to difficult issues, so I’ll just leave for the day, spending five hours out on mountain roads, far from my worries. I have a hard time believing that God is truly helping me with my medical bills in any way. I know that there is likely a purpose behind this situation, but it is extremely hard for me to see it.

Two nights ago I went for a walk though Cheesman Park in an attempt to gain some clarity and direction from Him. I laid out all of my concerns. I vented about the stresses that I am currently facing and asked Him for direction and peace, and that I might be able to continue pursuing Him relentlessly, trusting in Him fully in everything that I do. I can’t say that it really helped much – I still carry a burden of stress – but I do trust that He will provide for me. He has provided for me in the past on countless occasions, and I hold those moments dear. It is just difficult to gain perspective on a situation that has fully enveloped me. I feel like I can’t escape it, and even though I continually ask for peace, I feel lacking. I say that I trust Him, but I don’t always live like it. I need to continue to understand that His ways are not my ways, and that I should never expect to fully understand His purpose in every aspect of my life.

David wholeheartedly trusted in the Lord and never seemed to back down from a challenge. He would ask the Lord for strength and He would provide it.

…he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd’s pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine. And the Philistine moved forward and came near to David, with his shield-bearer in front of him. And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. And the Philistine said, “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.” Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know the there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hand.”

How I wish I had the amount of faith and courage that David had. He trusted wholeheartedly in the Lord and his actions showed it. I have said so many times that I trust that God will continue to provide for me. Most of the time, I truly do believe that, but sometimes, like with these medical bills, I am not sure that I can say that truthfully.

In the next few chapters of 1 Samuel, David is faced with yet another challenge: Saul, David’s king, tries to kill him. David has to flee for his life because of Saul, yet David is still at peace because of his trust in God. In Psalm 59, David writes:

            Deliver me from my enemies, O my God;

            protect me from those who rise up against me;

            deliver me from those who work evil,

            and save me from bloodthirsty men.

            For behold, they lie in wait for my life;

            fierce men stir up strife against me.

            For no transgression or sin of mine,

            O Lord,

            for no fault of mine, they run and make ready.

…

Each evening they come back,

howling like dogs

and prowling about the city.

The wander about for food

and growl if they do not get their fill.

But I will sing of your strength;

I will sing aloud of your steadfast

            love in the morning.

            For you have been to me a fortress

            and a refuge in the day of my distress.

            O my Strength, I will sing praises to you,

            for you, O God, are my fortress,

            the God who shows me steadfast love.

Even more than Psalm 59, the verses in Psalm 34 speak to me in a way that truly comforts my soul. Knowing the difficulties that David had to face during his lifetime, I am able to believe that, even more so, God can provide for me. My God is not a small God, and He has the power to do anything.

            I will bless the Lord at all times;

            His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

            My soul makes its boast in the Lord;

            let the humble hear and be glad.

            Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

            and let us exalt His name together!

            I sought the Lord, and he answered me

            and delivered me from all my fears.

            Those who look to him are radiant,

            and their faces shall never be ashamed.

            This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

            and saved him out of all his troubles.

            The angel of the Lord encamps

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,

for those who fear him have no lack!

The young lions suffer want and hunger;

but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life

and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous

and his ears toward their cry.

The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,

            to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

            When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears

            and delivers them out of their troubles.

            The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

            and saves the crushed in spirit.

            Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

            but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

            He keeps all his bones;

            not one of them is broken.

            Affliction will slay the wicked,

            and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.

            The Lord redeems the life of his servants;

            none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.