See

It’s a busy fall afternoon in downtown Denver. Businessmen, tourists, and some of the city’s homeless peruse the city’s pedestrian mall, enjoying the warm Colorado weather. I sit inside the Tremont and 16^th Starbucks, sipping on a sweetened iced coffee, reflecting on my fairly mellow, yet eye-opening weekend.

People-watching is one of my favorite pastimes, and the large, floor-to-ceiling windows that wrap around the perimeter of the popular coffee shop chain allow for prime viewing. I find it interesting that there are so many different types of people, yet all of them are alike in so many ways. Every person shares the trait of being human, which means we all struggle with loneliness, rejection, anger, self-confidence, hopelessness, self-worth, and purpose. And every now and then, some of us stumble upon the invaluable sense of pure joy. As I watch the well-dressed and confident businessmen and women make their way along the streets of Denver’s central business district, I wonder which human issues they struggle the most with. I wonder if they may identify too much with their careers, allowing themselves to become completely enveloped with the obsession of obtaining wealth and chasing the unsatisfying, yet tempting illusion of the American Dream. I wonder how many of them are truly happy; how many of them are actually content and completely satisfied with their lives.

This past Sunday I visited the Smoky Hills Vineyard church in Centennial with my parents who were in town. I haven’t yet found a church to call home, so I welcomed the idea of trying a different church. The message addressed the subject of being a good soldier for Christ, which was a concept I wasn’t necessarily interested in at first. The pastor began his sermon somewhat dry and uninterestingly, but I soon found it to be one of the most revealing messages I had heard in quite some time.

The pastor opened with a passage out of 2^nd Timothy, which detailed Paul’s experience in modern-day Turkey. In this passage, Paul talks about the despair he felt when it seemed as if everyone has deserted him, leaving him utterly alone as he awaited execution.

You know that everyone in the province of Asia has deserted me, including Phygelus and Hermogenes. May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. On the contrary, when he was in Rome, he searched hard for me until he found me. May the Lord grant that he will find mercy from the Lord on that day! You know very well in how many ways he helped me in Ephesus.  –2 Tim. 1:15-18

To be honest, I wasn’t entirely awake during the first half of the church service, and this passage of scripture didn’t necessarily help to get the blood flowing. I struggled to see what message the pastor was trying to convey until he began to expand upon these verses. He explained that Paul was in prison at this point, struggling with a very strong sense of loneliness and rejection. Even after pursuing the will of God without relent or concern for his own selfish desires, he still ultimately ended up in prison, awaiting his death.

Then the pastor finally put the pieces together for me – he was speaking about rejection and loneliness.

It took a second for it to sink in, but once it hit me, it hit me hard. I struggle on a nearly continual basis with loneliness. I have lived in four different cities or towns in the last four years, and I have had to essentially start from scratch nearly every time, forming new friendships and searching (and not always with success) for community. I’m not the most social person, and it takes significant time for me to form meaningful relationships, so it can be very difficult for me to feel at home. All throughout college, I worked thirty hours a week and was involved in numerous other time-consuming activities, so I was often left completely alone at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to find some very real and authentic communities during the last year and a half of my college career, but I still often struggled with a strong sense of loneliness, and it is still something I struggle with on a regular basis – God had aimed this message directly at my heart.

“This isn’t a message that you’ll hear very often,” the pastor said. “You won’t find it in the top ten podcasts or feel a need to pin it on your refrigerator door; but loneliness is part of the deal.”

He explained that it’s simply a part of being a Christian. None of us are called to live lives that are necessarily glamorous, and will never be easy, so loneliness and rejection are naturally a part of the lives of Christ-followers. The pastor gave three examples of individuals who had to face these hardships: Paul, Hagar, and, most importantly, Jesus.

In Genesis 15, God gives Abram a promise that He would give him offspring so numerous that he would not be able to count them. But Sarai, Abram’s wife, did not believe that this promise would be fulfilled since she had not yet borne any children, so she allows Abram to sleep with their servant Hagar, in hopes of forming an heir. After seeing that Hagar had conceived, Sarai begins treating Hagar very harshly, so Hagar decides to run away, escaping from the abuse.

The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness…and he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” She said, “I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel of the Lord also said to her, “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.” And the angel of the Lord said to her, “Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has listened to your affliction… So she called the name of the Lord, who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing.” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.” –Genesis 16:7-13

Even in the midst of Hagar’s struggles, she realizes that God is a God who sees her. Even at the lowest and the most desperate, hopeless point in her life, God sees her. He gives her a promise that He will multiply her offspring to be so numerous that she cannot count them. She realizes that God had not left her. In fact, she realizes that He was there all along.

“We don’t often realize it, but loneliness can allow you to strengthen your relationship with God,” the pastor went on to say. “We often forget who God is when we endure hardship.”

If we cannot learn to love Him in the midst of our pain and anguish, how can we truly love Him at any other time? It is during the times that we feel like no one else cares that God can provide for us in incredible ways. If we can learn to come to Him when our world is crumbling, instead of seeking temporary “pain killers” that are of the world, He can show us, in a whole new way, just how much He loves us.

“Even Jesus struggled with intense feelings of rejection and loneliness. We often think of Jesus as being a popular guy, – the one that everyone loves – but he probably had to deal with these feelings more than anyone else in history,” said the pastor as he looked around the crowd.  “Jesus would speak into the lives of thousands and do miracles, but only a short time later he would be mobbed by the locals, trying to toss him off a cliff.”

He knows exactly what it feels like to face loneliness and rejection. Jesus was fully God, yet fully human. He experienced every struggle and human emotion that we face today. He has been through it himself, and He is here for us, even now, as we struggle. So, first of all, we need to experience God as the one who sees.

Next, we need to coach one another through hardship. In Hebrews 3, we are called to help each other during times of loneliness.

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. As it is said, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts…” –Hebrews 3:12-15

It can be easy to seek out ways to alleviate our pain apart from God. It’s tempting to use drugs, sex, money, pornography, or any other “drug” you may use to dull the pain, but these things are only temporary, and they will never resolve your pain. In fact, these things will only worsen your pain. God is the only one who can free you from your loneliness. This isn’t to say that He will simply rescue you from any challenge you face, but He will be there, every step of the way, to guide you through your hardship, allowing you to grow in Him along the way.

Finally, we need to be like Onesiphorus, who supported Paul during his time of hardship.

“May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. On the contrary, when he was in Rome, he searched hard for me until he found me.”

In order to find community and create solid, deep, and lasting relationships, we need to be the friend we so desperately seek.

Over the course of the message, I began to feel His hand on my heart in a more evident way. He was speaking directly to me, showing me that I am not alone. I am not the only one facing loneliness, and I do not need to be afraid of what He has put in front of me. We need to allow Him to equip us to get us through loneliness. It is during these times that we can grow the most and fall even more in love with Him.

           

During worship, the worship leader read Psalm 25, a Psalm of David, to the congregation as the pianist’s fingers danced across the keyboard.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, in you I trust;

let me not be put to shame;

let not my enemies exult over me.

Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;

they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;

teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,

for they have been from of old.

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

according to your steadfast love remember me,

for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord;

therefore he instructs sinners in the way.

He leads the humble in what is right,

and teaches the humble his way.

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,

for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name’s sake, O Lord,

pardon my guilt, for it is great.

Who is the man who fears the Lord?

Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.

His soul shall abide in well-being,

and his offspring shall inherit the land.

The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,

and he makes known to them his covenant.

My eyes are ever toward the Lord,

for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart are enlarged;

bring me out of my distresses.

Consider my affliction and my trouble,

and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes,

and with what violent hatred they hate me.

Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!

Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness preserve me,

for I wait for you.

I struggled to hold back tears as the music played. I’ve known loneliness in a very real way, and it ripped me to the core. But that day I learned that I have no reason to lose hope. He is with me through it all, even when I feel like He isn’t near, and He loves me more than I could ever imagine.

Even though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me…