Pause

Routines will be the death of me. Each day blurs into the next, causing the week to zip by. It feels like only a couple of weeks ago that I began my senior year of college, but that was six months ago, and I’m preparing to graduate in a little over two months. Time is not my most abundant asset as a full-time business student with two jobs and three volunteer positions, also attending two small groups per week. But despite the breakneck pace of my week, I still find some comfort in filling nearly every spare moment of time with something ‘productive’.

At least, that was until Friday night.

On Friday night I began to realize that my body was not functioning like it should have been. I became extraordinarily weak and achy, and I hardly slept a wink. So began more than four and a half days of fighting influenza, and I’m still not finished. Not my favorite cup of tea. So far I’ve missed two days of school, my volunteer shift at The Carriage House, and nine hours of work. As someone whose life revolves around structure and checklists, this was quite irritating, to say the least.

But one thing that I’ve noticed over the course this school semester is that the time that I have been spending with God each day has been decreasing at an alarming rate. I began the semester energized and spending hours in the Word each day. I would write about what I had read, have prayer time, and even have a little worship session if time allowed. But now only six weeks later, my quiet times (or any time spent with Him) have essentially gone to zero. I have been prone to blaming my lack of discipline on the hectic schedule that I must endure every day, but honestly, it’s because when I do have a moment of time, I choose to spend it doing homework (or more often than not, thinking about the possibility of actually doing homework while procrastinating on the internet) or watching a movie. Six weeks ago I was thirstier than I had ever been, diving headlong into the Word any chance that I had. Now it has all become routine, and reading the Bible has been essentially removed from that routine. Sure, I still pray throughout the day, tossing little prayers in God’s direction and singing along with a worship song or two, but I honestly miss the way things were. I was so enveloped in His presence at every moment of the day. I wanted only to worship Him and deepen my relationship with Him.

But that was then. Right now it’s Sunday morning, day two and a half of the flu, and I’m struggling to breathe, my head propped up uncomfortably on pillows, my body covered with three blankets and a comforter. I hardly sleep, spending my waking moments drinking glass after glass of water. I haven’t eaten much. In fact, I’m pretty sure that at this point I haven’t eaten anything in two days. I’m miserable. But despite feeling so sick, I’m fairly certain that I’ll be back on my feet by Monday morning.

But Sunday night passed. Then Monday passed. Then Tuesday passed. It was annoying for me to have to lose nearly a third of my week’s paycheck because I was sick, especially after my parents spent several hundred dollars for a medical visit and a very pricey prescription. This was certainly testing my patience. I had a hard time staying cooped up in my tiny apartment with nothing to do other than to sleep and drink water, especially since I’m used to being so active and hardly ever being home.

But that’s where God stopped me.

Think about it. Why have I been stuck here, with nothing to do, for over four days? And no, I don’t believe that I became sick because of this, but God has a knack of using life occurrences to His advantage. I think I picked up my Bible sometime on the second day to get my mind off of my incessant coughing. I read some on the third day as well. On the fourth day I read some more and even blogged about it. I watched some Nooma clips and listened to some underground worship, plucking a few tunes of my own on my acoustic. Then I read some more over a bowl of Chef Boyardee (yes, I know it’s not especially delicious, but at this point, I still can’t taste anything, so it doesn’t matter much). And now I’m writing more while the voice of Laura Hackett floats beautifully through the air.

It’s good to be back.

Even when we find ourselves continually strapped for time and not able to hear His voice over the clamor of our own, He still finds a way to bring us back. It is important that we challenge ourselves to throw the E-brake on our lives in order to create time in our daily schedule to reconnect with Him. He deserves at least that much. It is a daily struggle for us to live our lives like the Man we claim to follow, and though we will often fail, it is crucial to remember that our Father is a God of second chances. It is never too late to turn around and walk back into his arms.