Unconditional
Life lately for me has been quite tedious and uninteresting. My days are dull and uneventful, and I’ve noticed that moments of true happiness are rare and few. I feel like I have been simply pushing my way through life – through the thirteen-hour workdays and hardly restful nights; through the long, lonely, and boring days at my apartment, and through the notions of apathy that seem to so frequently invade my thoughts. I’ve tried, rather unsuccessfully, to combat the problems currently facing me, but I’ve come to realize that I am in a spiritual rut. I’ve fallen again into the strange comfort of convenient Christianity. I simply go through the motions and choose to believe in a God who is only there for me to get what I want. I never choose to sacrifice anything lest I be robbed of the few comforts I have and choose to hold onto. I find it odd, that though I know that being a follower of Christ is about more than a simple transaction between man and a Deity, I still so often behave in the manner of an impatient five-year-old. I want to do what I want to do, regardless of who else it affects. It often surprises me how selfish I can be at times, but it seems that I have quite a poor memory, because I go back to behaving the same way in a very short amount of time.
I think it is very easy for Christians to forget about what truly matters. It can be easy for us to make following Jesus into a legalistic and ritualistic procedure that we only practice on Sundays and at our small group. Reading His Word becomes more of a chore than a grateful and insightful experience, and worshipping an eternal Creator devolves into simply letting words fall out of our mouths without attaching any meaning to them. We do ‘Christian’ things simply to check them off our list so we can chase after our more selfish desires. One of the things that I’ve come to learn in times of stagnant spirituality is that our interaction with our Creator should not be taken for granted or treated as another item on a checklist – it should be treated as a pure and unadulterated relationship with the Being who spoke breath into our lungs.
I was raised in a devout Christian home and grew up around believers during my entire upbringing. I became a Christian when I was five (which I still believe is not completely true, considering the weight and understanding that comes along with a decision such as this. I didn’t fully grasp my faith or consider it my own until I reached my twenties), and quickly learned what it took to look and act like a Christian without having to sacrifice anything of worth. I had the innate ability to lead worship at my church without even having a real relationship with the One I was singing to. I never considered myself an actor, but when it came to my faith, I was great at putting up a front and preventing any onlookers from suspecting the validity of my faith. Many people considered me to be exceptional as a Christian since I would lead the worship team, set up the stage and do tear-down after service, and sing like I meant it on stage. But the truth is, I rarely ever really meant it. I would certainly try, and I would attempt to gain some spiritual experience out of singing empty words, but it is impossible to build a relationship with someone when you are only doing what people expect of you.
Lately I’ve been able to understand more of the depth of His Love for me by using three different views of Him: As a Father, a Friend, and our Love (not necessarily in any order). First, He is our Father. He created us from the dust of the earth and molded our bodies while we were still yet to be born. He spoke life into our lungs and longs to protect us just as a father would protect his child. Next, He is our Friend. He wants to spend time with us and be with us and get to know us. He wants to go on adventures with us and do crazy things with us. He’ll be there for us, just like an old friend. And finally, He is our Love. This is the angle of my Father that I have come to understand more and more lately. Though it can be strange to think of the figure of God as a lover, I think it is one of the most important concepts to understand. If you have ever been in love as I have been, it may be easier to understand what I am trying to convey. The Lord wants our hearts more than anything. He doesn’t want a part of it or even most of it – He wants all of it, and He wants us to surrender completely to Him, without holding anything back. He wants to know our darkest secrets and be part of our happiest moments. He wants us to grow and be so close to Him that we would die for Him if we had the chance. He wants a love so pure, so real and authentic that there is no doubt in His mind that we love Him. He wants to laugh with us, cry with us, and let us allow Him to show us how much He loves us in return. He wants to tell us hard truths – not to hurt us, but in order for us to grow. We cannot allow anything to get in the way with our love for Him, as it can disrupt and distract us from knowing Him as well as we could. He has only the best in store for us, and He will provide for us in every way if we allow ourselves to simply trust Him. But though He desires us in so many ways, we still choose other lovers over Him.
I have been reading the book of Hosea lately, and I have been convicted of the way I have been acting towards my Father. Hosea is a man whom God uses to illustrate the nature of our relationship with Him. He tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and have children with her. He is a faithful man, seeking after the Lord, and God asks him to chase after an impure and unfaithful woman. The crazy thing is that Hosea does it. He trusts the Lord and knows that He is good, so he goes and marries a promiscuous woman named Gomer. She gives birth to two sons and a daughter, but remains unfaithful to Hosea. I can’t imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to pursue a woman as passionately as Hosea, but be rejected by her in favor of less authentic relationships with other men who use and abuse her, treating her as an object rather than as the beautiful woman she is. God asks Hosea to chase after Gomer and continue to love her purely, even though she chose to abandon him. Hosea continually pursues her and tells her that she must love him just as he loves her – unconditionally.
I think it can be easy to simply dismiss this as a story that does not necessarily apply to our lives in the present day, but the weight and truth behind it is enormous. Just like a prostitute, we as believers choose to be unfaithful and pursue lesser gods and unauthentic promises of love instead of the one pure Love that has been promised us. We prostitute our heart and soul to material possessions, sexual impurity, drugs – you name it – in pursuit of something that can fill our broken hearts, but we end up doing more damage, causing the rift in our hearts to grow even more. Humans have the amazing capability to forget consequences of their mistakes almost immediately after they happen. We continue to believe that chasing empty desires will soothe the wounds on our hearts, and we seem surprised that it never seems to work. We cheat on our Father when we sin. We spit in His face when we choose lesser things over His Love for us. We tell Him that He is not worth the sacrifice a relationship with Him requires – we tell Him that we believe there is something better, when there is clearly not. As humans, we will sin, but it is vital that we understand where true Hope lies. My Father will never give up on you. As many times as you fail; as many times as you choose lies over the Truth; and as many times as you allow the world to define your worth, He will still be waiting there for you, with open arms, ready to embrace you.
I know that I have been unfaithful so many times and in so many ways to Him, but His love is pure, and He will continue to pursue me. I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with the One who created me. I want to find the Joy that sets my heart on fire for Him. I want to abandon everything else for His promise of a better life, and live as a man madly in love, because He is all I will ever need.
I think it is very easy for Christians to forget about what truly matters. It can be easy for us to make following Jesus into a legalistic and ritualistic procedure that we only practice on Sundays and at our small group. Reading His Word becomes more of a chore than a grateful and insightful experience, and worshipping an eternal Creator devolves into simply letting words fall out of our mouths without attaching any meaning to them. We do ‘Christian’ things simply to check them off our list so we can chase after our more selfish desires. One of the things that I’ve come to learn in times of stagnant spirituality is that our interaction with our Creator should not be taken for granted or treated as another item on a checklist – it should be treated as a pure and unadulterated relationship with the Being who spoke breath into our lungs.
I was raised in a devout Christian home and grew up around believers during my entire upbringing. I became a Christian when I was five (which I still believe is not completely true, considering the weight and understanding that comes along with a decision such as this. I didn’t fully grasp my faith or consider it my own until I reached my twenties), and quickly learned what it took to look and act like a Christian without having to sacrifice anything of worth. I had the innate ability to lead worship at my church without even having a real relationship with the One I was singing to. I never considered myself an actor, but when it came to my faith, I was great at putting up a front and preventing any onlookers from suspecting the validity of my faith. Many people considered me to be exceptional as a Christian since I would lead the worship team, set up the stage and do tear-down after service, and sing like I meant it on stage. But the truth is, I rarely ever really meant it. I would certainly try, and I would attempt to gain some spiritual experience out of singing empty words, but it is impossible to build a relationship with someone when you are only doing what people expect of you.
Lately I’ve been able to understand more of the depth of His Love for me by using three different views of Him: As a Father, a Friend, and our Love (not necessarily in any order). First, He is our Father. He created us from the dust of the earth and molded our bodies while we were still yet to be born. He spoke life into our lungs and longs to protect us just as a father would protect his child. Next, He is our Friend. He wants to spend time with us and be with us and get to know us. He wants to go on adventures with us and do crazy things with us. He’ll be there for us, just like an old friend. And finally, He is our Love. This is the angle of my Father that I have come to understand more and more lately. Though it can be strange to think of the figure of God as a lover, I think it is one of the most important concepts to understand. If you have ever been in love as I have been, it may be easier to understand what I am trying to convey. The Lord wants our hearts more than anything. He doesn’t want a part of it or even most of it – He wants all of it, and He wants us to surrender completely to Him, without holding anything back. He wants to know our darkest secrets and be part of our happiest moments. He wants us to grow and be so close to Him that we would die for Him if we had the chance. He wants a love so pure, so real and authentic that there is no doubt in His mind that we love Him. He wants to laugh with us, cry with us, and let us allow Him to show us how much He loves us in return. He wants to tell us hard truths – not to hurt us, but in order for us to grow. We cannot allow anything to get in the way with our love for Him, as it can disrupt and distract us from knowing Him as well as we could. He has only the best in store for us, and He will provide for us in every way if we allow ourselves to simply trust Him. But though He desires us in so many ways, we still choose other lovers over Him.
I have been reading the book of Hosea lately, and I have been convicted of the way I have been acting towards my Father. Hosea is a man whom God uses to illustrate the nature of our relationship with Him. He tells Hosea to marry a prostitute and have children with her. He is a faithful man, seeking after the Lord, and God asks him to chase after an impure and unfaithful woman. The crazy thing is that Hosea does it. He trusts the Lord and knows that He is good, so he goes and marries a promiscuous woman named Gomer. She gives birth to two sons and a daughter, but remains unfaithful to Hosea. I can’t imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to pursue a woman as passionately as Hosea, but be rejected by her in favor of less authentic relationships with other men who use and abuse her, treating her as an object rather than as the beautiful woman she is. God asks Hosea to chase after Gomer and continue to love her purely, even though she chose to abandon him. Hosea continually pursues her and tells her that she must love him just as he loves her – unconditionally.
I know that I have been unfaithful so many times and in so many ways to Him, but His love is pure, and He will continue to pursue me. I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with the One who created me. I want to find the Joy that sets my heart on fire for Him. I want to abandon everything else for His promise of a better life, and live as a man madly in love, because He is all I will ever need.
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