Irrational Rationality

Over the past week I have been thinking obsessively over buying a pair of road bike shoes for my bike. I currently only have cheap plastic commuter pedals with toe straps, and it can be extremely inefficient to ride long distances in a pair of flimsy tennis shoes. I already have clipless pedals, but I need road bike shoes in order to use them. A pair of road shoes can cost anywhere from $80 to $350, but I was strongly considering simply charging them to my credit card, despite the fact that I don’t have cash to cover the cost. Every time I ride, I think about how much better it would be if I had a pair of brand new, Specialized carbon-fiber-soled road shoes; or if I had a carbon fork and seatpost from Easton or Bontrager, a pro-grade Echelon helmet, a hand-built Rōl wheelset, Swissstop engineered brake pads, a new Specialized Body Geometry saddle, or a custom bike-fitting from the local Trek store so I could ride more comfortably and with more efficiency – and I’ve only had my newest bike for a total of two months.

But the funny thing is, God has been speaking truth into my life concerning this area over the past several days. On Wednesday during my lunch break at work at the campus library, I made the usual walk to Del Taco on the Hill to snag a few cheap tacos to prevent my stomach from growling. As I was walking back, an overly friendly individual about my age asked me if I had a minute. He was holding a white binder and a pen, and it was clear that he was trying to get me to sign something. As most other people do, I tried to brush him off while explaining that I was on my lunch break and needed to get back to work. He told me that he’d make it quick, and promptly opened his white three-ring binder to show me pictures of a few kids in Africa.

I found out that he was an advocate for Compassion International, a Christian organization that fights to bring children around the world out of poverty. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he was working for an organization that I had heard of and respected, and that he was not asking me to save the trees or support veganism. He asked me if I would like to sponsor a child, but I’m ashamed of what happened next: I lied to him. I told him that I already sponsored a child through another organization. He gave me a huge hi-five and flashed an enormous smile my way. I chuckled nervously as he showed me a picture of a child he currently sponsored.

I walked away feeling ashamed and hypocritical. I wasn’t exactly sure why I had lied to someone – so I could get back to the office to eat my lunch? I felt extreme conviction for what I had done, and walked back to work with my head down.

God had been putting this on my heart for over a year – to sacrifice my money to give a child in another country a chance at a better life. I kept rationalizing my actions; saying that I already give more than the 10% the Bible says to give. I give to my church and I help support my worship pastor, but God kept prodding me, telling me that it wasn’t enough. I intended to sponsor a child, and in the near future too, but I wanted to wait until I felt more financially stable. The thing is, if I can’t be faithful with ten dollars, I will never be faithful with ten thousand dollars (Matt. 25:14-30). It’s not a money issue – it’s a heart issue. Good intentions have never made a difference. Good intentions have never given a homeless child a home or given a hungry man a meal (Matt. 25:31-46). Good intentions are worthless if they are never translated into action.

I was deep in thought when I sat down at my desk in the office. I couldn’t focus, and I had lost my appetite. I opened my laptop and just stared at the screen. I didn’t feel anything like a Christian. Aren’t Christians supposed to feed the hungry? Aren’t they supposed to feel joy in caring for the needy? Why didn’t I feel that way on the Hill? I spat at the idea of serving others over myself. One thing I have come to learn is that whatever I am doing to serve the Lord, I can always do more. I can always give another dollar or serve another hour. God wants all of us, and when I focus on my own selfish desires and put myself ahead of my Creator, I can feel his heart break a little.

I kept replaying that scene in my head – over and over again. Why did I say no? I felt so selfish. But God lead me to push away those feelings and do something about it. In the next few minutes, I had successfully sponsored a child. Her name is Faith. She is three years old and lives in an AIDS-stricken area in Uganda. Though I am still concerned about how exactly I’ll be able to pay for this child sponsorship, I keep reminding myself that I have so much more than Faith does, and she deserves the world.

I have been obsessing over a pair of $120 road shoes while children are contracting AIDS and dying of starvation. I have such an easy life compared to these children. Why don’t I always have a heart like His? I know I am human, but sometimes I wish I didn’t act like one – selfish and arrogant.

Earlier today I went on a bike ride to Lyons, which is a town about twenty miles from Boulder. I suffered a flat tire about a mile outside of the Lyons city limits and was forced to come to a stop. I wasn’t especially thrilled, considering that I was twenty miles from home, but luckily there was a gas station within walking distance, so I dismounted and started walking. (What exactly I was going to do at the gas station, I wasn’t sure, but I figured it was better than doing nothing.) A pair of cyclists passed me, headed into the mountains. A second cyclist shouted something to the effect of “Are you okay?”, but he was riding so quickly I didn’t have a chance to respond before he was a few hundred feet away again. A third cyclist rode up next to me on my left and stopped, asking me if I needed anything. I explained that I had gotten a flat tire. He got off his bike and started digging into his saddle bag. He pulled out a spare and asked me to remove my rear wheel. He promptly used a tire lever to remove the bad inner tube and replaced it with a new one, filling it up with a CO₂ cartridge.

“You’re back in business”, he said. I tried to offer him something, but I didn’t have any cash or anything else worth offering. “Don’t worry”, he said. “It’s just how it is [with us cyclists] – I’ve had many cyclists give me spare tubes before”.

I couldn’t thank him enough, but he just smiled and pedaled on his way, his full-carbon Cervélo S3frame glimmering in the sunlight.

I wondered why Christians don’t do that – drop what they’re doing in order to help someone who needs it. Sometimes we do it, but it’s usually when it’s convenient and easy. Christians don’t want to inconvenience themselves at the cost of losing precious ‘me’ time. And we rationalize our actions by believing that someone else will probably help them.

This cyclist didn’t care about his current plans of finishing his loop on time. He saw that I needed help and halted his bike trip to help. While it wasn’t a huge sacrifice (maybe five or ten minutes and a $7.00 inner tube), he still did what three other cyclists didn’t do. He showed me what it was like to be part of a community of cyclists. Even though we didn’t know each other, he made a sacrifice for someone other than himself. What a beautiful thing.

As I started biking toward St.Vrain road to start the next leg of my 45-mile loop, I was humbled by the selflessness of the Cervélo Samaritan. I had been thinking about nothing but shopping for new road shoes up to that point, but after he came to my rescue, I wondered what this world would be like if everyone was as selfless as he was. What if we didn’t all think about getting the next ‘lastest-and-greatest’ or the newest status-enhancing product? What if all we thought about was how we were going to serve the Lord by serving others? What if we thought about the next thing we could sacrifice so that someone else could have a better life? I wish it were happening at a rate visible to the non-Christian community, or even within the Christian community itself at times.

After I finished my bike ride, I drove to a local mega-church to attend a five o’clock service. As I walked through the crowded sanctuary in an attempt to find a vacant seat, David Crowder’s “No One Like You” was being performed to perfection by the eight-piece band, surrounded by dozens of can lights and color scrollers, the kick drum punching me in the chest with each hit. I finally found an empty seat on the far right side of the sanctuary in the fifth row and took a seat as the pastor began walking on to the stage. The current sermon series was entitled “Serial Killers”, addressing the silent killers that Jesus spoke of in the New Testament. Tonight’s subject was greed. I quickly dismissed the idea, since I know that I live on a budget that is extremely modest, and I already give a decent amount of my monthly income to my church. I volunteer 2.5 hours a week at a local homeless shelter in the city, and I help to run a high-school youth group at my church while also volunteering on the worship team. I didn’t feel very greedy, but I reluctantly listened to the sermon.

I remember the pastor asking us if this is a story we wanted to live – to chase the American dream, to accumulate wealth, hoard it selfishly, and then die. If our birth and our death are all that there is to life, then this is a respectable plan for our lives. (Luke 12:13-21.) But the thing is, birth and death do not encompass our entire existence. We enter eternity when we die, so this life on earth is not all we have to live for.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart is also.” –Matthew 6:19-21

I have been focusing solely on material possessions over the course of this week, but a pair of road shoes will not complete my life. I may appreciate them and enjoy using them on my weekend rides and summer races, but I don’t need them. They are superfluous and unnecessary for me to live. I can’t serve both God and money (Matt. 7:24), so I need to make a choice.

God has provided for me continuously since I moved out on my own, and even prior to that. I have over seven hundred dollars in bills a month, and I only make about eight hundred a month between my two low-paying jobs, but I have never been hungry. I have a nine-hundred dollar bike and a two-thousand dollar drum set sitting in my apartment. I have clothes that fit me and food in my refrigerator. Why am I so concerned about getting something that will last but a moment when I have the Love of an eternal Creator? And you know what? I have just as much fun biking in a pair of Sauconys as I would have in a pair of custom-molded Pearl Izumi road shoes.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:33-34

‘“…you are robbing Me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”’ –Malachi 3:10

Are you living a story worth telling? At the end of your life, do you think you will regret the fact that you didn’t consume more material possessions? Do you really trust Him? If you do, prove it. Give away more money than makes sense financially. If you were to take a look at my bank account, it wouldn’t make sense. Mathematically, it doesn’t. According to my bank statements, my income is more than two hundred dollars over what I actually make – and I give away about that amount per month! Don’t worry about how much money you will have in your bank account next week. Think about how you will make a difference in this world in His name – then do it. You can give your time and possessions (that you didn’t really use in the first place) away, but when you give your money (and especially when it doesn’t make sense), God will move in your life and continue to bless you in ways that you wouldn’t believe. Take a risk. Allow Him to prove your doubts wrong. Serve with your life and everything you own, because it is important to remember the Source that has so graciously provided for you from day one. (Matt. 21:43)

Meet Faith - a three-year-old girl from Uganda that I am now helping to support.